the feelings

i always liked being there . it was a place of peace , nothing could hurt me , but then there was this fear . i don't know where it came from . it might have been the stories they told me , but then again they always said that it was just a story . and still i thought there was something realistic about it all . because of all this i stopped going there . even though i feared loosing contact to them , but i couldn't go on the way i had . change had to come . after i left i started doing other things . it was all just this and that , nothing got my feelings the same way the place had . then after a few years i wanted to return . this time with a friend of mine . i had met her on one of my last trips . it was great not having to go there all on my own , but i started feeling all my fears creep back into my mind . i didn't want my friend to get into any danger , but i needed her help or really i just needed to feel her presence . it was all so mysterious when finally i stood infront of it . i could remember all the scenes of the past . they all started flashing up before me . i couldn't stay where i was . i forgot all about my friend who was still standing next to me . then i woke up . i was lying on the pavement . i couldn't tell where i was . there was someone standing infront of me . after a while i recognised her as my friend . she looked scared . then i jumped up and ran . i didn't know where i was heading . i just had to go . i had to leave the place but then my memories caught up with me again and i realised i had never been able to leave it all

© d wolschner
sept 1995
to ruth for being who you are!